Adam Dunn

It's 10 days or so until the All Star Game, which is usually reserved as the halfway point of baseball. However, the official halfway point is now gone, and where are we? What do we have to say about the baseball season that truly sums it up?
In the 10th year of his career, Adam Dunn was a high stakes big money free agent that was supposed to get 40 big swings despite the fact that his average wouldn't be "great" and he would strike out a lot.
What did Ozzie Guillen and the White Sox get? Ozzie got even more high blood pressure than normal, which definitely causes him to tell it like it is and to have baseball columnists wonder why he's still in management (though I have to say that I think he's awesome). The White Sox got a .171 hitter in 234 at bats (he's seriously challenging Dan Uggla for futile zero of the year).
For the 7 home runs that they bought with $12million (ok - $6million since it's the first half of the season), they got 100 strike outs. While that's good enough for 2nd place (Drew Stubbs is still in first place with 112 - there's no catching abject futility, is there), there's a sign around Mudville (located on the otherside of Wrigleyville) that Chicago isn't going to be represented in the post season and next year will be another rebuilding year for both the south and the north side.
So while a player that should be hitting in 4 at bats every game for the first 85ish games could be doing some damage, he's getting about 2/3 of the at bats he could be getting because he's a liability. When you look at the facts - 1732 punched outs in 1517 games for his career - you see danger to the playing and the rooting and the paying. It's clear as day, but now he's an albatross for the White Sox. He's got 4 years and $56million to go for Obama's team, so we have to wonder... when will Ozzie crack and start kicking Dunn's ass like it was a catcher's mask?
On the other side of the Second City, there's Carlos Pena, who pretty much sucked all year, but is at least a little better lately. He's got 76 whiffs in 251 at bats. He's carrying a .219 average (.171 for the last week, mind you). He does at least have 17 home runs in the homey capacity of Wrigley, with it's wind blowing out in these nice summer days (the kind of thing which helps our favorite steroids mirages transcend from attitude to baseball altitude until they're asked to answer questions on the witness stand, eh Sammy Sosa).
Texas, Detroit, Oakland, Boston, Tampa Bay... and the Cubs... they're all trying and have tried to figure out what to do with a problem like Carlos in the same way that the White Sox are joining the Reds, Diamondbacks, and the Nationals in dealing with a problem like Adam.
At some point, baseball is going to say that we can't all be Rob Deer. We can't flirt with the Mendoza Line all year and hope that it will get better... especially when the home runs aren't clearing the walls... especially when the player needs to ride the bench to figure it out or because he is a liability.
It's times like this that the defensive play of David Ortiz... you know... he who isn't a true player because he can't make Terry Francona bench Mike Cameron or Darnell McDonald in favor of moving Adrian Gonzalez to the outfield in order to get Big Sluggi's 4 at bats in (at .300 batting average, mind you) actually seems like it's an over rated thing. Mind you - the fact Francona wouldn't play him all of the inter-league games - that's scary because once you get past Jacoby Ellsbury in the outfield, Boston pretty much sucks. JD Drew is fortunately about to get his unconditional retirement for the purpose of never letting Philadelphia fans chuck D cell batteries at him from the 600 level of Veterans Stadium again (in retrospect, the anger should have been celebration - other than the first September he played in 1998, he was pretty much hype over hall of fame).
So this brings us to the question - what is a baseball player supposed to be?
While many players look to crack the leagues, some veterans hold down spots just because. Other players play half of the game, although they do that well, and make us wonder about the logic of inter-league or the DH (or Astroturf - oops, I've come unstuck in time again). And maybe we wonder about other things, too, like a home run derby that will be shockingly devoid of names and power because the big boppers only bop, so they won't make it and the big names will probably opt out because they'll be too afraid to hurt themselves in a meaningless "exhibition" game.
Which only makes us wonder... what's wrong with this game today?

Theo Epstein

There are many ways that people can leave a club. For example, Shaq and Kobe hated each other's guts and traded insults until Shaq left Eagle, Colorado's least favorite visitor in Los Angeles, and went on to a progressively extended career with stops in Miami, Boston, Cleveland, and Phoenix. In the end, he was a lovable guy who's contributions to cell phone commercials and stopping online predators far outweighed his performance on the basketball court or in the studio. Maybe he didn't know when to leave. Maybe he believed that a high field goal percentage from shots really close to the basket constituted greatness... we'll never know or really care at this website, but all the same, it's sad to see someone who defined the game as much as he did leave it.
And if Daisuke Matsuzaka is bidding adieu to Boston in order to get Tommy John Surgery, his last game on May 16th, a game where he let up 5 runs in 4.1 innings with 2 strikeouts and 5 hits to go with his 7 WALKS is a fitting end to a mistake that Theo Epstein made by bidding $51,111,111 just to deal with Matsuzaka. Sure, we were hyped up with the talk of the gyro ball and the 150 pitches a game and the World Baseball Classic performance, but in the end, if he was great, and we're definitely not saying he wasn't, let it be known that a fish out of water in a major media town is a recipe for disaster. Boston's courting of Hideki Okajima to be Matsuzaka's wingman seemed like an OK move... until it all went south with spot relief and holding pattern usage taking him to an ERA that is north of 4. Boston sent him down to AAA Pawtucket, and we forgot about the 2007 All Star appearance and the terrible post seasons in 2007 and 2008 because we knew that he wouldn't be around much longer.
And Daisuke was all alone to face the hate of a manager who really doesn't manage and a town who expects a hell of a lot from all of their players, but why shouldn't they? Matsuzaka cleared $51million for 6 years that saw him go 49 and 30 on a team that was really good for pretty much all of those years. Sure, he has a 6th year to come, but Tommy John Surgery isn't quick, and let's be honest, if it takes a year to 18 months to recover, it's not like he's going to be flame throwing AL East competition.
Instead, he'll be recuperating in Japan or wherever he chooses to go. The Red Sox won't be able to deal him, and they'll eat the last $20million for this year and next year and have less interest in picking up Asian players after the debacle of their last few (ok, so Hideki Nomo did have a no hitter in game 2 of 2011 against the Orioles, but other than that...
And it's a shame, but we can't all be Ichiro or Godzilla.

Tony Larussa

I've never been a fan of Tony Larussa. I'm pretty sure I've said that. He's the National League's version of Terry Francona - that other manager I REALLY don't like - though it should be said that at least he's not just letting Bill Dewit pull his strings; instead, he's a surly dinosaur who tries to be "outside the box" with ideas like batting the pitcher eighth. Really.
If I had to think of a manager that I like, it would have to be Ozzie Guillen, who at least has the heart to call out his players when they need it. He doesn't pull punches, and a lot of the time, his guys get the job done - even though there aren't that many very good to great players on the team (Mark Buehrle, Paul Konerko, Carlos Quentin, Adam Dunn (done for, more like it - he's batting .184 with 3 home runs), and Jake Peavy (remember him?) make up the core of Chicago's 2011 team.
Hell, if you're a White Sox fan (real or pretend, Mr. President), you've got a closer named Sergio Santos. Gavin Floyd and Philip Humber are your star pitchers. You hope Alexi Ramriez makes the transition to the bigs, and you still get happy when AJ Pierzynski is a jerk (but at least he's your jerk - like that ALCS stunt he pulled in 2005).
You rememer names like Minnie Minoso and Shoeless Joe Jackson. You may even remember a player like Eddie Cicotte. You don't really have much to remember lately except Harold Baines.
But nonetheless, at least you have Ozzie... a colorful manager who makes a difference.
In St. Louis and with no harsh feelings regarding our feelings towards him for his mis-management, Larussa has never been a colorful manager. But now that he's currently on medical leave, we come to understand how difficult his life has been lately since he has just been diagnosed with the shingles.
Most people don't know what the shingles are. Actually, they're caused by the herpes zoster virus, which has nothing to do with herpes that a person gets stung with sexually. It actually is a very nasty skin rash that people could get from someone who has it if they didn't get chicken pox as a kid. That said, if your parents made you pal around with the kid who had chicken pox to get this virus out of the way, you might want to thank them for it. As for me, I had chicken pox twice, so I'm a rare and special case, but all the same, I'm glad I don't have to worry about that aspect of it. Nevertheless, there is a way that the chicken pox virus reactivates and causes shingles in people. Apparently, nobody understands how this happens, but it does.
Nevertheless, if you do get them, they're a nasty skin rash that takes quite some time to heal and that can be worse if you're older when you get them. They do have rare complications that can affect a person's vision permanently. Let's hope that Tony doesn't face that.
Here's to a quick recovery and some time to think about how to be nice to Colby Rasmus and to help Albert Pujols regain his swing while getting Chris Carpenter some wins.

Adrian Gonzalez

The good news is that all is right with the USS Pujols... 2 home runs in a Dodger crushing celebration last night means that the universe - at least the one that exists in the NL East and hits .300, 30, 100, and 100 is back on pace. He may only be up to .241 with 10 RBIs and 4 jacks, but he's hot again, and for that, life is good.
Ichiro was off to a little bit of a slump, but 2 more hits puts him at .276. Once again, life is good, and all is right with the highest paid (and most effective) singles machine in the history of baseball (though Pete Rose and Ty Cobb probably have something to say about that).
And while Baltimore losing is par for the course, Boston dropping to 2-10 with a loss against the Blue Jays is a crime against humanity.
So let's try to figure this out.
Carl Crawford's 0 for 5 drops him to .135. He's making $142 million over 7 years.
Jacoby Ellsbury's 1 for 4 raises him to .195. Coming back from injury, he was a question mark, but still... he's better than this. After all, he's batting .288 for a career.
Marco Scutaro goes 1 for 3 to raise his batting average to .188. Sure, he was the subject of a movie called Player to Be Named Later, and he did once hit a 3-run game winning home run against Mariano Rivera proving that the sun can shine on a sleeping dog's ass, but still... and he's making $11 million over 2 years AND HE SUCKS.
And Jarrod Saltalamacchia, the catching option that was supposed to be the good one since the other option, Jason Varitek, is headed for AARP, is hitting .154 this year. He hit .167 in 2 less at bats of an injured season last year, but Theo the wonder child and Francona the puppet boy thought that they could make something of the lad... but it didn't work. Sure, he's a bargain basement $750,000, but still... you think that he could at least make the Mendoza Line. Save 1 good 2 for 4 game against the Yankees, and this guy is outright ejected from the pros.
And just like we talked about rewarding pitchers who do nothing in Boston, now, the 0 for 4 night for Adrian Gonzalez (dropping him to .244 with 1 home run and 7RBIs) gets him $154 million over 7 years.
The message of rewarding greatness is understood, but if it's not happening this year, what does it really mean? Are we just trying to be the biggest payroll ever to miss the playoffs? Does it mean that Baltimore and the Blue Jays can quake at who finishes in third in AL East as the Red Sox look to move on without JD Drew and his 5 years $70 million after this year?
The free spending and day dreaming hopes of the Wonder Twins ensures that just as Zan and Jayna were the dumbest cartoon superheros ever, Terry and Theo are the most useless front office pair to ever steer a baseball ship. I know I said that I want my team to slump as low as they possibly can if it gets them fired, but I don't know how much more I can take of this disaster of a season. We're now officially 2 games behind Houston and Seattle who were both dead in the water before the season started. We're 7 games behind 2nd place Kansas City who was also marked for death. Even Pittsburgh who hasn't had a winning season since 1991 is 4 games better than us and their best players are looking for July trades as opposed to playoff dreams in western Pennsylvania.
What does it say? Worst baseball summer in Boston since 1960's 65 and 89? Even the futility of World War 2's player depletion in 1945 hasn't looked this bad - especially with a payroll of $160million.

John Axford

Ugly is as ugly does. We can start with normality and hope and all that is the beginning of a season. Just ask Lou Boudreau... "it's all future and no past on the first game of the season - unless your first game is a massive bed crapping that leads to the Reds winning not only that game, but the next 4 games. Eventually, their win streak was stopped at 5, but not before the guy who got it all going with a 3-run jack grounded out to end the game.
What a difference a week makes.
However, for Boston, the first week was all the same... crap, crap, and more crap from their big guns doing nothing to drive in runs and from their pitchers doing nothing to prevent runs from being driven in. As a result, the unthinkable was said, so if you felt a rift in the space time continuum, it was because I stated that I hoped that the Red Sox go 0-20... whatever it takes to get Terry Francona fired. And as they are playing the Yankees in New England this weekend, getting swept by the Yankees at home would go a long way to landing Terry Francona in a soup kitchen line. If he could take Epstein with him, we'd be willing to see the Red Sox turn into the Cleveland Spiders all over again (or worse).
Ugly is as ugly becomes.
Our continuing hatred towards Bleacher Report is about to get serious. Today, they continued the Ace Ventura talking out of their ass by suggesting that the Cardinals trade Albert Pujols. While it sounds like a good idea to get players, there's a little thing called "no trade clause," and for that and for being a reputable baseball website... we can only ask how BLEEPING stupid that they really are. Stick to wives and girlfriends slide shows, guys. Your baseball coverage sucks.
Perhaps, instead of talking about ugliness that results from a decision to try to replace Rollie Fingers as the man with the most unique facial hair ever, we should focus solely on positive stats and accomplishments like Nelson Cruz's 4 dingers in his first 4 games to show up as a latter day Mark McGwire / Willie Mays, but while there are crimes against common sense, there must be a different discussion. And to this, we note that there has been a return to ironic facial hair by some of the games "hipper" players (and their pathetically worthless unhip cousins), there is a reality that this isn't the 1970s, and this isn't Oakland and the Brewers aren't owned by Charles Finley, so... let's get with the world that is 2011.
And for that John Axford... damn, you are not a pretty man. Your pitching isn't much prettier, but despite a crappy opening day, you've racked up 2 saves and dropped your season ERA to 10.80, which is the result of one bad game, but still... you're not the man I would want closing my games.
With that being said, it's only a matter of time until the Red Sox pick him up to stem the flood of runs that are coming in to devastate Boston's season and to have them end up in last place.
Good thing that misery loves company, and it loves it all the more with a Red Sox reject leading the charge against futility.

John McGraw

Terry Francona has sounded off regarding his team's poor start - it's Carl Crawford's fault (despite batting .182 in only his first 3 games with Boston, which does at least include 1 RBI) - move him to 7th in the lineup. Brilliant decision we might add. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with why Boston's pitching sucks - as Pappelbon comes in and lets up a run without the game on the line, which isn't any better or worse than Lester, Lackey, or Bucholz's outings at the Ballpark in Arlington against a team that will be more offensive than a weekend outing with Charlie Sheen, but alas... that's just me. Then again, Wacky Lackey's start really sucked. He was worse than Crapplebon. And so I sit here and wonder why both of my favorite teams have such cruddy managers. Tony Larussa has the Cardinals 1-2 with not much life in them against the Padres (more injuries and Albert Pujols batting .154 with no home runs - at least he doesn't have his fingers on the batting order pen, but who knows... this is a guy who used to bat his pitchers eighth). But yeah... these are some lame and cruddy dinosaurs of managers who need to go. And when I say cruddy, I mean, I want the Ancient Aliens to come back and abduct them - if for nothing better than to get more likable new managers or so Giorgio Tsoukalos and his hair can have something to say about being right about the Ancient (and modern) Aliens truly existing. Well, that and so that they can see if there has been any change in their legendary cruddiness (because these are - "legendary CRUDDY times"). But yes... management... it all comes down to management, and what makes a good manager? What makes a bad manager? John McGraw was a talented, but angry manager who managed to win 10 pennants and 3 World Series champions with the Orioles and New York Giants in the early part of the century. For a career, he won 2763 games over 33 years and he played for a good deal of that time too, getting just over 1300 hits in limited appearances due to being a player manager. He was ejected 13 times in 1905 and 131 for his career - the most until Bobby Cox came along. That's saying something. He campaigned silently for African American integration, compiling a list of players he would have recruited if times were different. While he did nothing actively, he still knew the system was wrong, and if for nothing else other than knowing the difference between wrong and right, that says something. But alas, today we need focus on the other McGraw - Moffet, my mom's cousin (third from the left) and the current Women's Basketball coach at Notre Dame who just kicked Connecticut's butts last night. After taking out Tennessee last week for her first win ever, Notre Dame took out Connecticut for their 2nd loss in 3 years. That's it. Prior to this, the Huskies were 3-0 against Notre Dame this season - but not when it counted, and with this, Notre Dame gets a trip to the finals against the other final 4 underdog - Texas A+M. We wish her the best and hope that she brings herself - and the extended family - a second national title and makes Touchdown Jesus smile a little, too. Girls can play... and sometimes, they can step up and kick some serious ass.

Terry Francona

While I watched a little bit of the Giants vs. the Dodgers on Thursday, I hadn't really gotten to truly sit down and watch baseball until last night. Unfortunately, being a Boston fan, my worst fears were realized as the Red Sox pitching was taken to the woodshed like a red-headed stepchild on a Sunday afternoon. Wacky Lackey let up 9 runs in less than 4 innings to a Texas team that just slams the ball around with total disregard for whatever pre-season rank that the team that they are playing against is supposed to have. Sure, Nelson Cruz, Josh Hamilton, Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre, and Michael Young (not playing yesterday) can really drive the ball, but Elvis Andrus was even 3 for 5. Yorvit Torrealba had a home run, and before it was done, the game was 12-3, though Jacoby Ellsbury had his first long ball since 2009 (he was out all of 2010).
And in the end, the decisions of Terry Francona ALWAYS come back to haunt the team. In the 4th inning, he walked Hamilton to load the bases for Beltre, and WHAM! (an excellent expression of onomatopoeia if ever there was one), grand slam and the Ballpark at Arlington is screaming and it's a celebration that Kool and the Gang would be proud of (because they are celebrating good times in Texas - it's not like the days of 3 and done in the division series against the Yankees as Juan Gone and Pudge aren't enough against the Yankees in da Bronx and there are no Texas pitchers who can withstand whatever onslaught is brought out against them.
This Texas team is for real, and Boston, while only 2 games in, is suffering from what I knew they would - a better pitching staff on paper than in reality.
The night before, Jon Lester gave up 3 home runs for the first time in his career. Mike Napoli and Kinsler each had one, and Nelson Cruz hit the first of his two home runs, so he's off to another sick OPS early season - as long as he doesn't get hurt.
Today is Clay Bucholz, who does have an upside, but as the week progresses, we get to wonder which Josh Beckett we'll see. I don't know if I believe in him. I do know that I have from time to time, but I don't go into the game easy - it's not as bad as the Daisuke adventure experience that sees a pitcher able to throw 150 pitches a game - mainly because he throws so many damn outside pitches that do result in walks or near walks. It's also not the knuckle ball of Tim Wakefield that baffles some hitters and leaves others (Cruz) to deposit it far behind the outfield wall. It's a pitcher who has been figured out and injured and beaten. For all of the heroics, there are too many questions.
And for that, it's hard to have a leader who sits calm in the dugout doing what Theo tells him. A man who is still around because Curt Schilling wanted him there and he's still there because Boston happened to win it all in 2004 and 2007, much the same was as Ozzie Guillen is because he won for the first time since 1919 when he took his title in 2005.
Sure, it's nice to see Big Sluggi hit a home run in both his first and second game so we don't have to wait forever for him to get started offensively. Sure, he hit a home run last year on April 23rd, but he was sub Mendoza until May 10. The year before, his first home run came May 20th, but he didn't press so hard and he was over Mendoza for good on April 20th. A notoriously slow starter, David Ortiz has seen better days, and once again, he's someone whose personality exceeds his current abilities. But that said, people not named Terry Francona are wising up to it. he's also looking pathetic in striking out (twice already - it's not the league lead - 5 - but it's not a good sign when he can't see how over the plate his called whiffs are). Jay Z for one is not putting up with the Sluggster stealing his intellectual property.
And this is not to say that David Ortiz wasn't once the hero, but it is saying that he didn't deserve an All Star appearance last year - hell, he didn't deserve a thank you contract in 2011. He needs to retire to greener pastures and get on with phase 2 of his adult life.
But that would involve a certain manager who can't make his own decision benching him.
And if that manager can't keep big name pitchers who have seen better days not getting huge contracts and not getting new life blood into the Boston pitching staff, you can bet that it's going to be a long season.

Adrian Gonzalez

For the past few years, we have been inundated with discussion on the trade possibility of Adrian Gonzalez who seemed to have a ton of upside since he was allegedly playing in a park as big as the one that Willie Mays yanked Vic Wertz's flyball out of the sky in, but let's be honest 396 to center is not 483 feet, but then again, Fenway is a more intimate affair, so that's a plus for his statistics now that the trade is in the books, the hope is in the fans, and the man is in full PR mode.
So the great white hope pulled a .298, 31, 101 line last year knowing that what he did was going to help both the Padres win the division (of course, they imploded in the last few weeks, which was still a feat considering that other than Gonzalez and pitching, they really didn't have much last year) and help himself win a contract with another team.
So let's be honest with that line... there are 2 years in his career with more home runs (he did hit 40 once) and he did bat 300 once (304), but we're looking at good value (under $5million) for what seems to be about $15million of production in baseball money (which is less real than the leprechauns dancing under rainbows, Sasquatch sightings, and Loch Ness Monster pictures).
His whiffs are down a little bit, but he's not getting 600 at bats (almost, but not quite) either like he was in those 140 K years.
In his year in the playoffs, he was 5 for 14, so that bears well, but can he handle the Boston media? San Diego is a friendly town that isn't quite so media "intense" as Boston. How will he react to the big games against the Yankees? Can he meet expectations?
Gonzalez now stands on first base and moves Youkilis to third, which moves Mike Lowell to improving his golf game. Back in the day, Mike Lowell was a hero (as recently as the 2007 World Series), but then he got old, and the Red Sox wanted to jettison him to anyone who would have his memories as modern hopes, but the physicals that he took to reveal the damage of a career in baseball kept him and his salary in Boston. He hobbled through, a warrior to the end in spite of Theo Epstein's business approach to baseball in Boston (the same thing that sent famed Idiot Kevin Millar packing instead of making him a bench coach). The same approach that allows Jason Varitek's memories to stay at a discount for another year instead of making him a bench coach. The same approach that broke Dave Roberts' heart when it brought it to Boston just long enough to steal the base that made him as heroic as Paul Revere only to spit on it by sending him away the next year. If there's not enough hate for Theo Epstein here, give me some time. I'll get to all of the reasons why he and Francona need to go - in spite of what they did for 2004 and 2007. There's a year; it will all come out in the wash.
Baseball in Boston (and St. Louis, for that matter) is a beautiful thing; however, I don't have to like the whole team, and I especially don't have to like the team's management.