Wilson Betemit

St. Louis continues to face dark skies, and we know that when you're getting rained (or urinated) on, it tends to pour. Wainwright. Carpenter. Holliday. Being cursed to have to deal with Tony Larussa on a day in day out basis...
Yep... and now it's this line straight from ESPN about Albert...
"a non-displaced fracture of his left radius and his arm is in a splint."
Of all the things that we never thought we would have to do in life (wear an A-Rod jersey, watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding + 8 Mile, sit through an entire episode of the Kardashians, or ever have to relive the junior high school years after getting sucked into a horrible nightmare of a wayback machine moment), it seems that we now have to write about his assailant: Wilson Betemit.
Let it be known that it's only because he's now officially the dirtbag who took out Albert Pujols' and his ability to go .300, 30, 100, and 100 this year (he came up 1 run short of this only once in his 10 year career, but thanks to nobody loser Bettamit, it's going to happen since he's .279, 17, 52, and 49 this year).
We are not impressed.
Just like with his 8 year career that has him at shades above .260 and less than 60 jacks and no speed to speak of, Betemit is a person in need of a career shift - even if he's hitting .287 in 188 at bats for perennial cellar dwellers Kansas City.
Thus, for ruining Albert Pujols' 2011, we want to wish him some or all of these 10 things that somehow won't affect our karma.
1. A trip to the Gulf of Aden.
2. A job cleaning up after a New York Republican representative.
3. Teaching Megan Fox about World War Two in order to increase her chances of ever working in Hollywood again.
4. Getting to screen Shaq's newest career move.
5. A free course with Dale Carnegie.
6. The A-Rod run to first base course.
7. The chance to throw a luncheon for NFL owners and players.
8. A chance for a new career with a name that will completely fit him.
9. Being the guy who creates and cleans up after Justin Bieber's parties.
10. Helping others to overcome their inappropriately chosen words. Kind of like...
"I was running hard and the ball arrived at the same time I got to the base. I couldn't do anything about it. He hit me on my left arm, that's why he dropped the ball. I hit him and then I saw him on the ground. That's part of the game. I couldn't do anything about it."

Carlos Zambrano

In the continuing story of Goofus and Gallant, Carlos Zambrano (aka Goofus the big thug / slug of the Cubs) continues to mouth off about his team's effort to help him win, and we just nod appropriately because this is Carlos being Carlos (aka the meds aren't working). But perhaps, this is the story of Gallant Albert Pujols finally getting it together with a pair of walk off home runs over the past 2 days.
Then again, perhaps this is the tale of Zambrano being on his last pitching leg. If there was no upside (a better than average pitcher on a less than average team for the past 103 years that is still owed WAY TOO MUCH money), then Zambrano would be gone. If he mouthed off more or got in a fight with someone who had more of an upside, it would have meant something, but alas... Carlos Marmol is not the man (despite his high percentage of strikeouts a year ago). Neither was Derek Lee or Michael Barrett or walls or bats or Gatorade coolers or the voices in his head. This time, it was an ESPN column filler that went something like this:

We are playing like a Triple-A team. This is embarrassing. Embarrassing for the team and the owners. Embarrassing for the fans. Embarrassing, that's the word for this team.

And it's Big Z, and he really sucks as a teammate, and personally, it doesn't matter if he only let up a handful of hits and a run. Sometimes, the tough luck losses come, and we accept them. So it goes.
But he doesn't, and he runs his mouth, and we all say... the contract will be over soon. The Cubs will still be losing, and yeah... perhaps they can do what the Onion felt that they Yankees should do and buy every great player in baseball and let Mark Cuban run the show (even with Dallas down 2-1 against the Lebron / Wades (who knew that Jay Z could have them both instead of just Wade), he's still an owner that will do what it takes "colorfully" to win).
But if this is Albert Pujols, who is and will always be the man, no matter what he is batting (.278 at this point with 13 home runs and 38 RBIs), then so be it. Let the season turn around. Let good things happen. In the past 4 games, he is 8 for 16. He has 9 runs, 7 RBIs, 4 home runs, and a double to go with his stolen base. He is a man on fire, and he's getting pumped up to take over for an injured Matt Holliday and a deflating back to Earth Lance Berkman. He is the heart and soul of the Cardinals and he's watched the pitching staff prop the team up long enough. He's playing to win.
The way any Gallant player should.
Zambrano should take note - or go the way of the dodo bird.
Either option would work nicely at this time.

Carlos Quentin

By this point in the season, Albert Pujols should be flirting with .400 - not sitting below .300 with a gap (.033) between the magic mark and where he's at. He shouldn't be breaking a 100+ (105 at bats and 119 plate appearance) at bat streak without a home run. Is it really the year of the pitcher, or are we ushering in a new crop of offense?
Matt Joyce is currently leading the major leagues in batting average with a .367 mark. If I wouldn't be looking at him in his Rays uniform, I would have no idea who he was, but he seems to be part of the new Tampa Bay outlook and his 8 home runs attests that he's not all singles either.
This is not diminishing Jose Bautista, who is still hitting at a .340 clip with 19 home runs (guess I was really wrong on not believing in his salary bonus), but other than that, there are people with about 10-12 home runs, and they're the usual suspects, but there aren't many big time boppers - save Curtis Granderson and his 16 jacks (and 45 strikeouts in 178 at bats).
Matt Holliday has also been solid with his .349 average and 6 home runs, but for the most part, the bats have been silent this year. Big boppers like Adam Dunn who came to new teams with hope for power are striking out a lot more (60) than they are connecting (5). Mad Mark Reynolds is drifting into worse obscurity (.191) as he racks up his usual misses (49) and falls short on his connections (5). It's an ugly affair really.
So when Carlos Quentin hooks me up fantasy style with 3 jacks and 5 RBIs for my 2nd place fantasy team (the Ephrata Green Dragons), I have to give props (that said, I like the acquisition of Jair Jurrjens as well since he's always been good for me and last night, his 4 Ks and 7.2 scoreless innings brought a much needed win to my team, which has been decimated by injuries to Joe Mauer and Josh Hamilton).
Now that Quentin opened up, he's tied for 3rd place with Ryan Braun, Mark Teixera, and Jay Bruce. Yeah... that Jay Bruce, but that's fantasy points as well, so we can live with that. Looking at the home run leaders... you really wouldn't guess many of them. The same could be said for the free swinging strikeout leaders.
And as I heard it said the other day, it's not 1.12 in 1968, but it's a step away from the steroids era home run boppers of years past.

Dave Duncan

St. Louis has always been a great baseball town. Many great players have made it in the city by the Gateway Arch, and many others have resurrected their careers playing in front of the friendliest fans in the baseball universe. From their first World Series win / appearance in 1926 where they beat the New York Yankees, it was on. Now, they have 10 best of baseball awards and 7 more World Series appearance where they came up short.
They've won as recently as 2006, with a team that pretty much couldn't win the division until it inevitably happened (they finished with 17 losses for September - which included a stretch from the 18th to the 29th where they won twice - shades of Philadelphia in 64 and Boston in 78, anyone?). However, with a team that wasn't that great they put it all together. Sure, Albert Pujols was there. Yadier Molina was too, but mostly it was "scrappy" (i.e. short, but tough) David Eckstein (who won the World Series MVP because someone had to), Adam Wainwright in rookie mode, Chris Carpenter, a discontented Scott Rolen, and some guys like So Taguchi, Juan Encarnacion, and Preston Wilson (role players who would soon be cast off). In ending the Tigers absolutely worst to first run in that year of baseball, they made the midwest proud, and life was good again, but since then, they've been squeezed out in much the same way that the Mets were that year when Endy Chavez made the catch only to lose it to 2 things - Yadier Molina hitting a 2-run just enough shot (shades of Ozzie Smith, anyone?) and Carlos Beltran stared at a pitch from Wainwright.
In the end, St. Louis was victorious in the NL and MLB - if not for ability for the fact that Kenny Rogers doctored the ball with a foreign substance and the universe went against the Tigers.
Perhaps it made up for a loss to Boston in 2004 when they went out 4 games to none after the GREATEST COMEBACK IN SPORTS HISTORY. That year was Pujols, a horrible swinging Jim Edmonds (worst swing in baseball history, but damn... that glove was beautiful), and a resurrected Larry Walker brought over from Colorado with tremendous fanfare for the days past (shades of Roger Maris, anyone?).
And maybe this year is another version of 2006. The pitching staff doesn't feature Bob Gibson or anyone like him, but damn... Kyle Lohse, Jaime Garcia, and Kyle McClellan don't want you to tell them that. Carpenter definitely isn't himself. Wainwright isn't even with the campaign, and still, the team is in 1st again. You've gotta love Dave Duncan. He takes a pitcher, makes him the best that he can possibly be, and the Cardinals fans just love them and make them 100 times better than they could be on any other team.
Look at what they did to Lance Berkman! That guy was written off, and now... he's dominating. Look at Matt Holliday! He's more productive than the best player in baseball (Pujols) - at least for now. They're making Stan Musial proud. They're living up to the legacy of love that McGwire brought out of the fans in those glory years (I still remember what it was really like - not what the asshole commentators and baseball revisionists want you to think of it).
St. Louis was and is a great baseball town.
Unless the Reds bring their A-game and their hatred and their imaginary feuds and player posturing, the Cards will be playing in October (and let's just say that we don't believe in Cueto, Volquez, or any other pitcher on the Reds).

Matt Holliday

Congratulations, Matt Holliday... you're joining the list of players on the disabled list.
You didn't take a line drive like Roy Oswalt and make Phillies fans wonder if they were really going to have the best pitching lineup ever - at least this year (and let's be honest, when the Phillies couldn't pull yesterday out until the end of the game, I'm sure the Phillies might have been wondering that as well - thank you injuries to Chase Utley and Brad Lidge).
You weren't abused by the Mets like Pedro Feliciano before the Yankees picked him up and saw him end up on the DL, too. In this, at least you didn't have Brian Cashman firing harsh invectives across the 5 boroughs at your old team to fan the dying embers of a crosstown rivalry that isn't anymore (not that it ever really was, but still).
You didn't just cut a cuticle and end up with a cruddy start to your 2011 season like Ubaldo Jimenez and make people wonder how much of a fluke the beginning of 2010 really was when he won 15 games by July and couldn't get 5 more by October 1.
You didn't end up mysteriously brain damaged (and still entertaining) like Ozzie Guillen, who always finds a way to bitch and complain about the world and his luck in it (being forced to play in the snow storms of Cleveland), but who still stays successful and employed in the Second City when his team bashes out 15 runs against an Indians team that came out stomping with 10 runs of their own.
You're not a Giants fan in critical condition after getting the tar kicked out of you by Dodgers fans in the parking lot after your team crapped the bed for Tim Lincecum in the first game back in defense of your World Series victory - the first victory since your team played in New York.
You're not Mat Latos, starting the season on the DL after you kept your team in contention all 2010 - despite the fact that most critics wrote your team off in the middle of 2009.
You're not 2/5 of the A's supposedly impressive starting rotation who are sitting out the beginning of the 2011 seasons with a variety of injuries as the team still is forced to play out what will inevitably amount to a lot of losses - like the one last night to King Felix.
No, you're just joining a lot of other players on the DL due to an appendectomy, which beats a lot of other injuries since it's very real and not like Sammy Sosa sleeping on his arm wrong before the 1998 All Star Game.
In this, we wish you well and hope that you get back to the game soon.

David Montgomery

As we walk into the end of Albert Pujols' negotiating period, there are three human beings that I blame for this debacle: David Montgomery (Phillies CEO that signed Ryan Howard), Tom Hicks (the former Rangers CEO that ruined his team by signing A-Rod), and Scott Boras (super agent that gets his players more money than they're worth because baseball money isn't real money and owners aren't smart enough to say when enough is enough). I could blame Marvin Miller and the players unions, but let's be honest; they were a reaction to the Charles Commiskeys of the baseball world who wouldn't pay players what they were worth. I can't blame Jim "Catfish" Hunter since he got what he deserved out of a situation where he could get the money. I can't blame Curt Flood because I wouldn't want to go to a racist city like Philadelphia either and deal with the things that he would have put up with had his trade gone through.
That said, I have to blame someone, so let's blame the guy who signed first baseman Ryan Howard to 5 years and $139million. As soon as the deal was inked out, Albert Pujols became worth twice that much money. Is it any wonder that Tony Larussa would see the baseball union as having the chance to drive up the maximum salary in baseball as it fairly sees Pujols as a $30million+ man? The reality is that Pujols is great. He is St. Louis (the team and the city). He is the greatest and most consistent player in baseball. While we had injury worries a few years ago, it was a blip in the radar from a man who has hit .300 every year. He has 30 home runs and 100 RBIs every year. In 2007, he had a "crappy" year since he didn't get 100 runs (only 99). Every other year of his career, he did. Not including his rookie season of 93 Ks (in almost 700 at bats), he has only had 1 season of over 70 strikeouts (76), which was last year. The man is a machine and he wants $300 million for 10 years - not $200million+ for 8.
Is he worth it? If we had baseball money to pay for it, we'd pay. After all, David Montgomery gave $25million to a guy with 1 season of more home runs (58) than Pujols best total (49). Sure, Pujols has only 3 seasons over 130 RBIs (and never more than 140). Ryan Howard has 4 and 3 of these were league leading totals in the 140s. Is this as much Ryan Howard as batting around Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Shane Victorino, Jason Werth, and Pat Burrell batting in front of him or because he's just a big bopper?
The reality is that Howard's stats aren't that INCREDIBLE other than the magical 2006. He has not hit and totaled 180 strikeouts or more in 4 strikeouts. Last year, he missed this due to injury. He has 1 .300 season in 2006. I'm not saying he's a chump, but I am saying that he's not worth the money he got, but Philadelphia needs a hero, and I guess he'll work if you're so inclined to like the team.
But that said, on a day where Cardinals fans wonder if this will be a triple crown year as Albert walks to Anaheim, New York (either team), Boston, or some other magical team that feels $300 million is chump change... and there will be suitors. This guy for a solid team means division victory and October surprises.
For all of the money given to Matt Holliday (7 years, $120million), not paying Albert... dumb, dumb, dumb. If this is the 1st .400 season since Ted Williams, won't the Cardinals being crying in their Busch beer as Pujols packs his one man show up for a contender? Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Dizzy and Paul Dean

My wife is obsessed with American Pickers. There's no getting around it. We watch that and Pawn Stars on a regular basis, which to be honest are some of the only shows that we watch.
Last night, they picked up a much rougher version of this poster, which was more faded, and to be honest with you, it looked a hell of a lot better than the colorized version that is on the left.
That said, I was salivating despite the fact that I know that I can't afford it, and even if I did, I wouldn't have much of a place to put it without upsetting the delicate balance of the house that is decorated rather nicely, but all in all, is not geared much for antique baseball posters - no matter how great the subjects are, and let me just say one more time that this poster really is nice.
That being said, I have managed to weasel my way into having some of my baseball memorabilia in the main part of the house that isn't my office. For instance, my Mark McGwire McFarland figures in the living room. The first one is common, but the second one is unique in that he posed for it and then retired, so Todd McFarland left the prototype in my cousin David's office (he takes pictures of the figures for the website, or at least he did at the time - I would assume he still does) until he gave it to me. When he did, I was orgasmic. That's pretty much what happens when you get a baseball card that you need... though a real orgasm is better than that. Well, at least that's what my mom told me when I was in 6th grade. There's something about collecting baseball stuff that makes boys of men. My friend that I work with purposely drives himself crazy not opening too many packs of baseball cards at one time in order to leave him more surprises for later. I fall asleep and dream of opening cards. I don't collect regularly, but as happened the other night, I still dream of wax packs.
When I open cards, I always want my favorites. That's obvious. I can't say as I'm obsessed with all of the players on all of my teams, but more often than not, the Cardinals and Red Sox come up solid. In that, a part of me has always been a St. Louis Cardinals fan. Granted, I wasn't alive for the Gashouse Gang when Dizzy Dean was winning 150 games and posting a 3.02 career ERA despite World War 2 and injuries putting an end to his better days. Nevertheless, he is officially the final National League pitcher EVER to win 30 games (because unless a pitcher is uninjured and unbeaten, it will never happen again. Hell, 25 is damn near impossible enough). Granted, his brother Daffy, well Paul by birth certificate, was more pedestrian, but they were St. Louis in the same way that guys like Ozzie Smith and Mark McGwire were in their day and ages and in the same way that Albert Pujols is now.
And maybe as a Cardinals fan, I should just lay this on the line: If there be any doubt, the town of St. Louis and the state of Missouri should start collecting taxes to save the baseball club before anyone does anything stupid like deciding not to make the contract work. Albert is the Cardinals. If Matt Holliday got a contract for $120 million, Albert deserves at least $240 million. At least. And don't even get me started on Ryan Howard's laughable contract (because if it's a new day, it's a new opportunity to dis on Mighty Ryan).
Such is the state of life and baseball, but with 25 days to go until the deal must be done, the deal must be done. Oh yes...