Chone Figgins

I guess it all comes back to hope and belief in the future. There is reality, and there is dominance, but in the end, there is the brutal truth. Either we follow the example of Admiral Stockdale and confront it, or it confronts us.

 For example, in the world of 4th of July fun, one can eat lots of hot dogs over the course of 10 minutes at Nathan's for a chance at national glory and a $10,000 top prize. There is something to be said about gulping down pounds of food in order to be the best, but whether it's throwing, catching, hitting, or running, there is something to be said about being the best.

In the eating world, to win this year, it took 54 dogs making it to the point where they're in the belly, but Mark Chestnut put down 62 because he could. That's ass kicking power. Since the days of Takeru Kobayashi and his domination over all comers, which reportedly still exists - though outside of the world of Major League Eating, which he refuses to be a part of - there has been a national following for the 4th of July competition. Chestnut is still there... but Kobayashi has gone away.

Where do stars go when we don't see them on TV? I know where I'd like to see the Kardashians go, and I'd be willing to watch TV to see them go there, but alas, that's just me.

One has to wonder where do great stars go when they can't play anymore? Is there an old folks home for these guys to go? Do they take back large parts of excessive contracts (from Denny Neagle sized to Barry Zito sized) in order to allow the players to hang out there and be pampered by guys and gals who will say "I remember you when..." Do the guys still whip out game-used memorabilia to sign? Do the girls still want to get naked? Do they still allow them to play and manage the same baseball team in corners of the country (Yuma, Arizona) where nobody knew there was baseball, let alone people who wanted to watch baseball?
Oh, Jose Canseco, where have you gone and why can't you just vanish?

There was a great article on ESPN's website today about players who don't live up to their promise. Some of this is injury related, while some of it is just plain disintegration of talent - Chone Figgins, case in point. Maybe he was good at one point, but this year, he's lousy in that special Dunn / Uggla kind of way.

In fact, he was referred to as:
"the worst everyday hitter in baseball."
ESPN followed this up with "His defense has tailed off sharply from peak levels, and his baserunning skill has also started to wane. Figgins might be the former star who's least likely to bounce back.. Two and a half more years to go on his four-year, $36 million contract, and that assumes his $9 million option doesn't vest in 2014. Oy."
It's another sub Mendoza Line blunder. If anyone couldn't see that giving him big money to leave Anaheim and make things happen for Seattle was a bad idea, they shouldn't be within 20 miles of a baseball stadium - much less covering the game.
Such is the nature of being a 2nd tier team with no hope for the immediate future other than to play well enough that King Felix doesn't demand a trade before you can make the miracle happen (Pittsburgh is feeling it at 3 games over .500 and Cleveland is remembering the good old days, too, as they continue to hold off Detroit for first place). Sadly, sometimes, it's all about the gambles that you don't make in hoping that the hot girl with the "do me" eyes is actually going to pay off in life for you when in actuality, she's just a Hooters waitress looking to make bank off you while giving you nothing in return.
And that my friends is Chone Figgins - except he doesn't have implants and he doesn't look good in a tight top - at least to me.

AJ Burnett

It's really a dubious honor - 4 strikeouts in an inning, but on Friday night, AJ Burnett achieved this honor that gets achieved about once a year since the stat was first acknowledged (although Baseball Almanac does list some old time greats that have achieved it - Walter Johnson being the most notable and Ed Crane being the first on October 4,1888).
The rest of the game wasn't as memorable for the New York Yankees wild man and occasional solid pitcher as he threw 6.1 innings to get the loss against the Rockies. Other than that 6th inning, he only whiffed one other Rockie, and he walked 5 and allowed 7 hits. Nothing special...
But the 4 in one inning... that's special.
Last year, Manny Parra of the Brewers and King Felix achieved the feat. Hell, in 2002, Burnett did the same feat as well, so he's no stranger to the phenomenon. However, he's still got one more to go before he gets to first place in a tie with Chuck Finley - you know the guy who had the tar kicked out of him by Tawny Kitaen, she of the Whitesnake "Here I Go Again" video. And maybe it's hard to find control when you're throwing heat with movement, but there's also something to be said about picking up and starting again when you should be out of the inning and there's a runner on first because your catcher can't handle the nastiness that you throw. Maybe it's hard to find your control when you want to put a fastball behind your dirty tramp wife's eyes and are so wild with anger that (in the words of Crash Davis), "you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat."
And so Nuke Laloosh is going for a new league record.
It's not like opposing teams don't know the book on Burnett. The Phillies knew that if you get to him early in the game, you can get him out, but if you sit and wait on his pitches, you're going to lose (and they did - instead choosing to sit on his pitches and let him find his routine and end their dreams of back to back World Series victories in 2009).
Thus, AJ Burnett's 4+ ERA and 76 strikeouts that go with his 7-5 record really aren't worth the time and attention that the Yankees made us all think that they deserved when they signed him (in the same way that Big Sluggy CC's contract won't be much good when he opts out of it this offseason).
It will be nice to see people fleeing the Bronx - even when they're throwing money out like it was growing on trees. And if AJ is stuck in New York... call it a fitting punishment for a team that thinks that to win is to buy all of the name players - without checking what happens when they aren't making a name for themselves with a no hitter and 4 Ks in an inning.

Matt Holliday

Congratulations, Matt Holliday... you're joining the list of players on the disabled list.
You didn't take a line drive like Roy Oswalt and make Phillies fans wonder if they were really going to have the best pitching lineup ever - at least this year (and let's be honest, when the Phillies couldn't pull yesterday out until the end of the game, I'm sure the Phillies might have been wondering that as well - thank you injuries to Chase Utley and Brad Lidge).
You weren't abused by the Mets like Pedro Feliciano before the Yankees picked him up and saw him end up on the DL, too. In this, at least you didn't have Brian Cashman firing harsh invectives across the 5 boroughs at your old team to fan the dying embers of a crosstown rivalry that isn't anymore (not that it ever really was, but still).
You didn't just cut a cuticle and end up with a cruddy start to your 2011 season like Ubaldo Jimenez and make people wonder how much of a fluke the beginning of 2010 really was when he won 15 games by July and couldn't get 5 more by October 1.
You didn't end up mysteriously brain damaged (and still entertaining) like Ozzie Guillen, who always finds a way to bitch and complain about the world and his luck in it (being forced to play in the snow storms of Cleveland), but who still stays successful and employed in the Second City when his team bashes out 15 runs against an Indians team that came out stomping with 10 runs of their own.
You're not a Giants fan in critical condition after getting the tar kicked out of you by Dodgers fans in the parking lot after your team crapped the bed for Tim Lincecum in the first game back in defense of your World Series victory - the first victory since your team played in New York.
You're not Mat Latos, starting the season on the DL after you kept your team in contention all 2010 - despite the fact that most critics wrote your team off in the middle of 2009.
You're not 2/5 of the A's supposedly impressive starting rotation who are sitting out the beginning of the 2011 seasons with a variety of injuries as the team still is forced to play out what will inevitably amount to a lot of losses - like the one last night to King Felix.
No, you're just joining a lot of other players on the DL due to an appendectomy, which beats a lot of other injuries since it's very real and not like Sammy Sosa sleeping on his arm wrong before the 1998 All Star Game.
In this, we wish you well and hope that you get back to the game soon.