Wilson Betemit

St. Louis continues to face dark skies, and we know that when you're getting rained (or urinated) on, it tends to pour. Wainwright. Carpenter. Holliday. Being cursed to have to deal with Tony Larussa on a day in day out basis...
Yep... and now it's this line straight from ESPN about Albert...
"a non-displaced fracture of his left radius and his arm is in a splint."
Of all the things that we never thought we would have to do in life (wear an A-Rod jersey, watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding + 8 Mile, sit through an entire episode of the Kardashians, or ever have to relive the junior high school years after getting sucked into a horrible nightmare of a wayback machine moment), it seems that we now have to write about his assailant: Wilson Betemit.
Let it be known that it's only because he's now officially the dirtbag who took out Albert Pujols' and his ability to go .300, 30, 100, and 100 this year (he came up 1 run short of this only once in his 10 year career, but thanks to nobody loser Bettamit, it's going to happen since he's .279, 17, 52, and 49 this year).
We are not impressed.
Just like with his 8 year career that has him at shades above .260 and less than 60 jacks and no speed to speak of, Betemit is a person in need of a career shift - even if he's hitting .287 in 188 at bats for perennial cellar dwellers Kansas City.
Thus, for ruining Albert Pujols' 2011, we want to wish him some or all of these 10 things that somehow won't affect our karma.
1. A trip to the Gulf of Aden.
2. A job cleaning up after a New York Republican representative.
3. Teaching Megan Fox about World War Two in order to increase her chances of ever working in Hollywood again.
4. Getting to screen Shaq's newest career move.
5. A free course with Dale Carnegie.
6. The A-Rod run to first base course.
7. The chance to throw a luncheon for NFL owners and players.
8. A chance for a new career with a name that will completely fit him.
9. Being the guy who creates and cleans up after Justin Bieber's parties.
10. Helping others to overcome their inappropriately chosen words. Kind of like...
"I was running hard and the ball arrived at the same time I got to the base. I couldn't do anything about it. He hit me on my left arm, that's why he dropped the ball. I hit him and then I saw him on the ground. That's part of the game. I couldn't do anything about it."