John Axford

Ugly is as ugly does. We can start with normality and hope and all that is the beginning of a season. Just ask Lou Boudreau... "it's all future and no past on the first game of the season - unless your first game is a massive bed crapping that leads to the Reds winning not only that game, but the next 4 games. Eventually, their win streak was stopped at 5, but not before the guy who got it all going with a 3-run jack grounded out to end the game.
What a difference a week makes.
However, for Boston, the first week was all the same... crap, crap, and more crap from their big guns doing nothing to drive in runs and from their pitchers doing nothing to prevent runs from being driven in. As a result, the unthinkable was said, so if you felt a rift in the space time continuum, it was because I stated that I hoped that the Red Sox go 0-20... whatever it takes to get Terry Francona fired. And as they are playing the Yankees in New England this weekend, getting swept by the Yankees at home would go a long way to landing Terry Francona in a soup kitchen line. If he could take Epstein with him, we'd be willing to see the Red Sox turn into the Cleveland Spiders all over again (or worse).
Ugly is as ugly becomes.
Our continuing hatred towards Bleacher Report is about to get serious. Today, they continued the Ace Ventura talking out of their ass by suggesting that the Cardinals trade Albert Pujols. While it sounds like a good idea to get players, there's a little thing called "no trade clause," and for that and for being a reputable baseball website... we can only ask how BLEEPING stupid that they really are. Stick to wives and girlfriends slide shows, guys. Your baseball coverage sucks.
Perhaps, instead of talking about ugliness that results from a decision to try to replace Rollie Fingers as the man with the most unique facial hair ever, we should focus solely on positive stats and accomplishments like Nelson Cruz's 4 dingers in his first 4 games to show up as a latter day Mark McGwire / Willie Mays, but while there are crimes against common sense, there must be a different discussion. And to this, we note that there has been a return to ironic facial hair by some of the games "hipper" players (and their pathetically worthless unhip cousins), there is a reality that this isn't the 1970s, and this isn't Oakland and the Brewers aren't owned by Charles Finley, so... let's get with the world that is 2011.
And for that John Axford... damn, you are not a pretty man. Your pitching isn't much prettier, but despite a crappy opening day, you've racked up 2 saves and dropped your season ERA to 10.80, which is the result of one bad game, but still... you're not the man I would want closing my games.
With that being said, it's only a matter of time until the Red Sox pick him up to stem the flood of runs that are coming in to devastate Boston's season and to have them end up in last place.
Good thing that misery loves company, and it loves it all the more with a Red Sox reject leading the charge against futility.

Ramon Hernandez

So what's the story of the first day of the MLB season? Is it the fact that Mark Reynolds hasn't whiffed yet? Maybe that's only because he hasn't come to the plate yet. When he does, the bird on his shirt won't change the luck he had with the snake in the desert. He'll have his 215 whiffs and Camden yards will be crying over giving any money to him because no amount of home runs can justify just how bad that low batting average and high amount of strikeouts truly is. So with that being said, is it Jason Heyward connecting on a long fly ball souvenier for his first at bat the second year running? Is it Mariano Rivera converting a save to preserve a Texeria and Granderson home run in a victory over the Tigers? Is it Albert Pujols going 0-5 with 3 GIDdynotuPs that pretty much caused St. Louis to not win (take away all talk of that $300million contract immediately!)? And no, it's not April Fools Day - even if it is April 1, 2011. Or is it a pair of home runs in the first 2 at bats of the season by Rickie Weeks and Carlos Gomez that were effectively released by a Brewers bullpen melt down in the 9th that saw Ramon Hernandez, a 12 year vet with a lot of part time seasons that never really excelled, but that sure was awesome when it needed to be... 9th inning... 2 on, 2 down, and a hot bat that can swat a long fly ball to keep steroids rehab poster boy Edinson Volquez from getting stapled to a loss in his first game in over a year. And isn't that how a year should start out... so much hope. In the words of Lou Boudrea... "all future and no past." The sky is the limit on everything as a guy who never hit .300 is now batting .800. And with that magnificent moment for a journeyman player, the Cincinnati Reds are winning one to come back from the hell of 2010's end that saw their promise vanish in a Roy Halladay no hitter to start the playoffs in dramatic fashion. Doctober never recommenced from there, but it was a Don Larsen moment for my generation. Halladay is supposed to take the mound today, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. The ground was covered in snow this morning. It wasn't much, but it wasn't pretty. It made me feel like Ozzie Guillen ranting about going to Cleveland to start the season with those lake breezes and nasty Lake Erie weather, something that I am starting to learn about as we often go to visit my wife's family in Port Clinton, Ohio. And baseball is back and life is good. And I got home to a couple of stacks of early 90s, late 80s baseball card commons. There were a few better players... Curt Schilling comes to mind as do some Jimmy Dean cards with guys like Griffey and Biggio on them. They were a present from my wife, and a nice touch on a day that saw me working on my resume and attending a teaching fair that really didn't have a lot of schools close enough to where I live to bother trying for too many of them. Even with the few that I went to, it was all about budget, not knowing the amount of positions open, and trying to shy away from people with Masters Degrees (me). So alas, there are other job fairs more promising... such as the one the day before regarding the VA hospital patient processing center that is opening near us. Unfortunately, I'm not a situational left handed reliever like I hope my future son will be (if I ever have a future son). I'm just me, for better or for worse. I'm not a free swinging 3rd baseman making way too much money or even a pitcher who arrived in the nick of time to show my stuff. I'm not a contract year mirage. And no matte who any of us are... there is still a possibility that it's going to be a good year for all of us.